It's getting hot in here

Hot buttons, triggers, and activation points, oh my!

It’s inevitable that at some point the kids in our care are going to hit a nerve through their expression of emotion. Our reactions to their reactions will leave residue. Our ability to be intentional and responsive can determine what kind of residue is left behind.

Photo: Annie Friday

It's not always easy or possible to move through the discomfort and respond with intention when kids hit a nerve unexpectedly. We have to do the work now, before we are triggered. We have to do the work now, after we've been triggered. We cannot do the work in the moment. We have to be ready for the moment.

One of my favorite things to do in my role as mentor to new teachers that I'm now bringing to my work with parents is to help them identify those little things that will rock even your deepest calm. We all have them. They've very likely come from the residue left from an adult's reaction to your behavior as a child. Those moments form together in our brain over time to create tiny barriers that are like glitches for the processing that normally happens in our intentional brain. The glitch will send your brain straight to reactive mode. What happens next can often feel like something out of our control. However, you're here because you know that you do have control. You can choose to break up with explosive reactions and unfavorable patterns of response.

It's not easy, but it's not impossible either. Shifting from kneejerk, often violent, reactions to thoughtful, meaningful responses is essential to preserving our relationship with our young people.

As the wise Aiyana Goodfellow said on my Living Out Of Line podcast, in order to break harmful cycles, healing is a moral imperative we have as adults. Let’s work through it together.

Join me July 18 as we examine Our Reactions to Their Reactions. Email me for more details at HelloAnnieFriday@gmail.com